top 10 signs you are broke and live in Hollywood:

1. YOU HAVE TO STAPLE YOUR CURTAINS TO THE WALL.

2. your cupboards don't close all the way.

3. your refrigerator looks like this.

4. the inside of your fridge looks like this. groceries are expensive

5. your your hallway resembles the hallway in "the shining."

6. you have to tape the peephole shut so creepers can't see in.

7. your kitchen floor looks like this after you clean it. 

8. you'll burn the building down if you try and turn on the heater.

9. you sleep on an air mattress.

10. Your highlights come from A BOX.

Fit for queen and living the dream: the journey to my basement to pay to do my laundry and to use a dryer that doesn't even dry my clothes

This is what I must venture through in order to do my laundry. I have to go down to the basement, which no joke looks like the setting straight out of some sick and twisted horror film. I don't love it.

Even Samberg doesn't wanna go down there.

Oh, it gets better. Just wait.

More doors. Where do they lead to? No one knows.

I pray to God that's not blood splattered on the floor. I tell myself it's red paint, or I would never have clean clothes.

At least I know if I'm ever held hostage and chained to the water heater I can still go to the bathroom.