Alright guys, it’s time to get R.E.A.L. This year has been an interesting one. I’ve had to deal with so many changes, a few good, but most of them less than great. Literally every time I turned around it seemed there was a new change or challenge I was dealing with. And real talk, the past few months have been, well, just shitty. (That is until recently, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) This year has been one of self-discovery, in every aspect of my life. I felt really inspired to write this because I’m hoping it might help or inspire anyone going through something similar.
In terms of change, growth and self- discovery, this year has by far been the most challenging, but most rewarding. I have made more progress in a single year than I ever thought possible. There are many components that go into them, but in my opinion, it all really comes down to one thing: BELIEVING.
In September I went home for a couple weeks. I just had to get the hell out of LA. I was talking to my mom about how I’d been feeling extra discouraged lately because of certain circumstances. Let’s just say the past few months had not exactly been the best months of my life. I was crying because, well honestly, I was heartbroken, jobless, financially broke, and everything had come crashing down at once. Within a blink of a damn eye. You know that saying “When it rains, it pours”? Yeah, I learned that one real quick.
I felt defeated and wanted to give up, which is very unlike me. My mom looked at me and said “Colleen you’re incredibly talented, and you can do a lot more than you even realize you’re capable of. People tell you all the time how impressed they are by your YouTube videos and your website and blog.” I replied with “But I don’t always feel super talented, or special or unique. I mean I know I have talents in different areas, but I get so discouraged when I look at everyone else around me and what they’ve accomplished and all the things I haven’t. And lately I feel like I can’t do anything right. Everything is falling apart.” And my mom simply responded “I understand that. But you have to fight those thoughts. The Colleen I know is one of the bravest people I know, and wouldn’t let a couple unfortunate circumstances completely ruin her life. She is a fighter. She moved to LA without knowing a soul and found her way, created an entire website and blog and made a YouTube video that went viral. And do you know what the best part about everything you’ve done is? They all came from YOU. It’s who you are, and you did it all on your own. That in itself is a huge accomplishment and you need to be proud of yourself for that. Instead of comparing yourself to others, you should stop and take a look at all the amazing things you have accomplished.”
I sat in silence for a few minutes processing what she had just said, and that’s when it hit me: It doesn’t matter how talented you are, or how many people believe in you or think you’re amazing. None of it matters unless YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to have people acknowledge something you’ve worked hard on. But my point is you have to truly look inside yourself and BELIEVE it. It’s easy to say “Oh sure, I believe in myself.” But there’s a huge difference in saying it and actually believing it in your heart and soul. You need to know (and believe) that you are 1 in a million, wonderfully and beautifully created for a specific purpose and you were put on this earth for a reason.
Self-doubt is a real bitch. The worst thing about self-doubt is that it’s a silent killer. It creeps into your subconscious and most likely you don’t even know it’s there. Sure we all have moments when negative thoughts cross through our mind, we’re only human. But sometimes it goes deeper than that. This is the lesson I’ve personally learned. There were layers and layers of deep self-doubt and fear that were crippling me and I didn’t even know it. There’s no handbook or “How To Guide” on how to handle self-doubt. It’s different for everyone. For me I had to acknowledge what was going on underneath. And once I did, I had a choice to make: either let it consume me or fight back. I CHOSE TO FIGHT IT. I told myself “God did not give me life and put me on this earth for me to just waste it. He gave me specific talents and gifts and I’m choosing to use them to help make the world a better place.” I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and definitely wouldn’t change overnight. I made a promise to myself that each day I’d wake up and choose to be happy, and start working on projects that I’m passionate about. I have a massive problem of just looking at the big picture, and totally freaking out (sometimes for no real reason. It’s my creative mind gaining a little too much control I think.) I looked in the mirror and said “One step at a time Colleen. Take it day by day. You’re gonna be okay bb.”
I guess what I’m trying to really say here is you have the power to literally change your life. You can do whatever you want, be whoever you want. We all have struggles or certain things holding us back in one way or another. So you can either choose to let it define you and keep you at a standstill, OR you can fight that shit, push through it and come out on the other side, stronger than you ever knew you could be.
The past few weeks I’ve been feeling extra inspired, in ways I’ve never experienced before. It’s a beautiful thing, especially after a couple solid months of feeling nothing. I see the beauty, potential and hope in everything around me….even the situations I once thought were hopeless. I truly believe life throws you curve balls so you can grow and change. These nasty little curve balls actually help you appreciate life more, if you allow them to. There’s that annoying, cliché saying: “Everything happens for a reason,” but it’s true. In fact, the other week I met up with a couple friends whom I hadn’t seen in about 2 years. I was actually supposed to work that night, but got called off because it was a slow night. My friend asked me to hang out and I jumped at the chance to see him because we’d been trying to get together forever. We were talking about life, and change, and hope, and my friend looked me in the eye and said “I don’t believe in coincidences.” I got a little choked up and said “Me either.” I prefer his saying over “everything happens for a reason,” for many reasons. It really hits home for me. I just don’t believe we are all wandering this earth alone, and our experiences just happen. Now we may not be able to control every single thing that happens to us, but God does. That’s why I don’t believe in coincidences.
Lately everything has been pretty great, and even when they aren’t going as smoothly as I’d like them to, I’ve learned how to keep things in perspective. For those who know me really well, know what a huge deal that is. I’m actually getting a little teary eyed and weepy as I’m typing this. But it’s the good kind. I’m really proud of myself. I always thought that was like taboo, or something you shouldn’t say. But it’s not. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of myself for overcoming a lot of obstacles this year, and for never fully losing myself in them. I’m also proud of myself for finally allowing myself to see my worth and talents. I’m proud of myself for fighting the negative thoughts, and for forgiving myself for the mistakes I’ve made along the way. Most importantly, I’m proud of myself for letting go of my past and BELIEVING in myself and my future. I find such peace knowing that no matter how terrible things may seem, God is always there. Even if it feels like He’s nowhere to be found. He’s there, I promise.
And lastly, I’d just like to say, no matter what you’re going through, don’t lose your hope. Whatever it may be in. Find your hope and hold onto it, even in the toughest of times. Because I believe hope is the only thing that can get you through it. I leave you with a video of my favorite song, from my favorite band in the entire world. It’s called “Great Divide” and it’s all about overcoming obstacles and finding hope in everything, and most importantly, never losing that hope.
In terms of change, growth and self- discovery, this year has by far been the most challenging, but most rewarding. I have made more progress in a single year than I ever thought possible. There are many components that go into them, but in my opinion, it all really comes down to one thing: BELIEVING.
In September I went home for a couple weeks. I just had to get the hell out of LA. I was talking to my mom about how I’d been feeling extra discouraged lately because of certain circumstances. Let’s just say the past few months had not exactly been the best months of my life. I was crying because, well honestly, I was heartbroken, jobless, financially broke, and everything had come crashing down at once. Within a blink of a damn eye. You know that saying “When it rains, it pours”? Yeah, I learned that one real quick.
I felt defeated and wanted to give up, which is very unlike me. My mom looked at me and said “Colleen you’re incredibly talented, and you can do a lot more than you even realize you’re capable of. People tell you all the time how impressed they are by your YouTube videos and your website and blog.” I replied with “But I don’t always feel super talented, or special or unique. I mean I know I have talents in different areas, but I get so discouraged when I look at everyone else around me and what they’ve accomplished and all the things I haven’t. And lately I feel like I can’t do anything right. Everything is falling apart.” And my mom simply responded “I understand that. But you have to fight those thoughts. The Colleen I know is one of the bravest people I know, and wouldn’t let a couple unfortunate circumstances completely ruin her life. She is a fighter. She moved to LA without knowing a soul and found her way, created an entire website and blog and made a YouTube video that went viral. And do you know what the best part about everything you’ve done is? They all came from YOU. It’s who you are, and you did it all on your own. That in itself is a huge accomplishment and you need to be proud of yourself for that. Instead of comparing yourself to others, you should stop and take a look at all the amazing things you have accomplished.”
I sat in silence for a few minutes processing what she had just said, and that’s when it hit me: It doesn’t matter how talented you are, or how many people believe in you or think you’re amazing. None of it matters unless YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to have people acknowledge something you’ve worked hard on. But my point is you have to truly look inside yourself and BELIEVE it. It’s easy to say “Oh sure, I believe in myself.” But there’s a huge difference in saying it and actually believing it in your heart and soul. You need to know (and believe) that you are 1 in a million, wonderfully and beautifully created for a specific purpose and you were put on this earth for a reason.
Self-doubt is a real bitch. The worst thing about self-doubt is that it’s a silent killer. It creeps into your subconscious and most likely you don’t even know it’s there. Sure we all have moments when negative thoughts cross through our mind, we’re only human. But sometimes it goes deeper than that. This is the lesson I’ve personally learned. There were layers and layers of deep self-doubt and fear that were crippling me and I didn’t even know it. There’s no handbook or “How To Guide” on how to handle self-doubt. It’s different for everyone. For me I had to acknowledge what was going on underneath. And once I did, I had a choice to make: either let it consume me or fight back. I CHOSE TO FIGHT IT. I told myself “God did not give me life and put me on this earth for me to just waste it. He gave me specific talents and gifts and I’m choosing to use them to help make the world a better place.” I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and definitely wouldn’t change overnight. I made a promise to myself that each day I’d wake up and choose to be happy, and start working on projects that I’m passionate about. I have a massive problem of just looking at the big picture, and totally freaking out (sometimes for no real reason. It’s my creative mind gaining a little too much control I think.) I looked in the mirror and said “One step at a time Colleen. Take it day by day. You’re gonna be okay bb.”
I guess what I’m trying to really say here is you have the power to literally change your life. You can do whatever you want, be whoever you want. We all have struggles or certain things holding us back in one way or another. So you can either choose to let it define you and keep you at a standstill, OR you can fight that shit, push through it and come out on the other side, stronger than you ever knew you could be.
The past few weeks I’ve been feeling extra inspired, in ways I’ve never experienced before. It’s a beautiful thing, especially after a couple solid months of feeling nothing. I see the beauty, potential and hope in everything around me….even the situations I once thought were hopeless. I truly believe life throws you curve balls so you can grow and change. These nasty little curve balls actually help you appreciate life more, if you allow them to. There’s that annoying, cliché saying: “Everything happens for a reason,” but it’s true. In fact, the other week I met up with a couple friends whom I hadn’t seen in about 2 years. I was actually supposed to work that night, but got called off because it was a slow night. My friend asked me to hang out and I jumped at the chance to see him because we’d been trying to get together forever. We were talking about life, and change, and hope, and my friend looked me in the eye and said “I don’t believe in coincidences.” I got a little choked up and said “Me either.” I prefer his saying over “everything happens for a reason,” for many reasons. It really hits home for me. I just don’t believe we are all wandering this earth alone, and our experiences just happen. Now we may not be able to control every single thing that happens to us, but God does. That’s why I don’t believe in coincidences.
Lately everything has been pretty great, and even when they aren’t going as smoothly as I’d like them to, I’ve learned how to keep things in perspective. For those who know me really well, know what a huge deal that is. I’m actually getting a little teary eyed and weepy as I’m typing this. But it’s the good kind. I’m really proud of myself. I always thought that was like taboo, or something you shouldn’t say. But it’s not. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of myself for overcoming a lot of obstacles this year, and for never fully losing myself in them. I’m also proud of myself for finally allowing myself to see my worth and talents. I’m proud of myself for fighting the negative thoughts, and for forgiving myself for the mistakes I’ve made along the way. Most importantly, I’m proud of myself for letting go of my past and BELIEVING in myself and my future. I find such peace knowing that no matter how terrible things may seem, God is always there. Even if it feels like He’s nowhere to be found. He’s there, I promise.
And lastly, I’d just like to say, no matter what you’re going through, don’t lose your hope. Whatever it may be in. Find your hope and hold onto it, even in the toughest of times. Because I believe hope is the only thing that can get you through it. I leave you with a video of my favorite song, from my favorite band in the entire world. It’s called “Great Divide” and it’s all about overcoming obstacles and finding hope in everything, and most importantly, never losing that hope.